When I was younger, I read a lot of Mercedes Lackey, particularly the Valdemar series. I was a huge sucker for those, though I was never a fan of the way the Last Herald Mage series turned out. I was a sucker for happily-ever-afters by then. :3
One thing always stuck with me, from the third of the Last Herald Mage books, I believe. In the series, there are Bards (capital B) and minstrels. Capital B Bards are epic story tellers, who tell stories that, through magic, pull the listeners in, so that they're part of the world and are living the stories. It's epic, it's fantastic, and it's draining, for both the Bards and their listeners. Minstrels don't have that magic. When they play their ballads and songs, it's just music, nothing magical about it.
The line that I remember most (not verbatim, alas, I fail at verbatim), but a minstrel character was bemoaning that he wasn't a Bard, so what was the use of bothering to learn music at all? The reply was this: always enjoying the big, powerful, always moving, magical performances is wearing. It takes an emotional toll, and people can't handle always experiencing the wrenching, moving, and emotional performances. Minstrels were important too -- not just as a break, but to remind people that not everything has to be over the top and driving.
I've always related with that, with regards to my writing. I'm not a Bard, capital B. I'm a minstrel, writing stories that are decent, but don't move people to great lengths. People enjoy my stories, but don't go crazy over them, and that's okay. I enjoy writing, and I like that people enjoy reading my work, even if it's not the sort of writing that leaves lasting impressions and inspires people to fan art and fanfiction and the like.
And here's the caveat. Most of the time, I'm okay with this. I'm always working harder, trying harder, more complicated storylines. I like writing, and I try not to let the negatives outweigh the positives. Lately, however, it seems more and more like I'm writing into a vacuum. As though, if I stopped writing, only a handful of people would mourn the loss. I think it's a combination of a handful of critical reviews and a lack of hearing anything otherwise. (Apparently, my writing style sucks ass? IDK. I need to stop using 'though,' though. :3)
I want to clarify at this point that (1) I'm not going to stop writing and (2) I'm not begging for people to placate my ego. I'm going to keep writing. I'm really enjoying the series I'm working on at the moment, and readers never should feel obligated to pet or coax the authors they read into writing more.
My reason for posting this is mostly a reminder to myself. I don't have to be great. I don't have to be perfect. As long as I enjoy what I'm writing, that's good enough. I'm not a writer who draws people in, who gives them over the top, epic, fantastical experiences, and that's OK. People still read me, look forward to reading me, and not everything has to be epic and heart-rending. I'm a minstrel, not a Capital B Bard, and that fills its own role and has its own rewards and pleasures.
The Bard and minstrel thing is the perfect way to phrase it. I think about this a lot -- kind of in terms of what kind of book I'm writing and what kind of book I want to write. What conversation I'm trying to have with people. Am I trying to entertain (mostly, yes) or am I trying to actually say something (sometimes, but not in an intelligent way, sadly)? There's a tendency to value the latter more than the former, the lifechanging literary experience over the beautiful story that is what it is.
ReplyDeleteBut I don't really buy that. I don't want every book I read to be exhausting -- I definitely don't want every book I write to be. Admittedly when it comes down to it, they're all exhausting in their own way, but the ones that sink me into a two-week minimum spiral of depression at the finish... eh. I don't know. It's okay once in a while, but who wants it all the time?
Mostly, I read because I just want someone to show me magic. That's how I want to write when I grow up too. But there's always that strange pressure from the outside to be something else, isn't there?
::laugh:: I think you put it much more succinctly in your comment, but that is exactly what I mean. ^__^ I write and I read for the magic, for the story, not for a moving experience that leaves me a wrung out and emotional wreck.
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